six is my lucky number

1. To be seen is not about appearance in particular. It is rather a mode of existence. People like me have to find the way to be seen on their own. Our lives undocumented; our passions footnotes. I had to invent myself, but not in a way that you can write it down in your cv and get job offers. I studied lit so now I have the license to say I'm a fountain of blood while hiding a yawn; my work, if you like, is to trace the undocumented passions of others between the lines. For the documented ones, there are other people out there who can do the job better than me.

2. There is no compensation for the time I've spent to invent myself. This is part of the game.

3. I do not own "myself". All anxiety, success and passion - an amalgamation of what has been and will be projected on me: parental fears, intergenerational conflict, national past, hidden pleasure- unspoken or not, they're part of me.

I recollect lives I've never lived. This leads to:

4. Myself as several people. Assuming disguises runs in the family. I had my first lessons in the kitchen, doing the dishes, listening to poems being recited in a low chant; I was terrified and delighted upon seeing what wearing a mask can do to a familiar presence. Stories were told- not to please but to play. I learned from an early age that no story is real but can be equally or even more enjoyable. Stories involving guilt mark a long trace behind me which I cannot ignore.

5. There is no way to be seen fully.

CONFESS.

WHO ARE YOU, TRULY?

That will mean closure. You are not dead yet.

6. This condition (let's call it an interspace of passion) is not unique. This is why one can form allegiances. This is why one can communicate. I'm thankful for that.